No.116
And they were always friendly to me always saying hi to me always inviting me to do things together
Few others were like that with me… I th8nk most others could tell I was some kind of freak. but not them… why? did they not know? could they not tell? or did they simply not care? of course, I put on my best act but. it was inevitable rhat cracks showed through
No.117
I was always afraid that one day they would see what everyone else sees and stop being so friendly to me. I took a lot of care to not do or say anything that could be perceived as weird, to point of rarely doing or saying anything at all. i was constantly restraining myself. but I didn't mind. I was used to it… I could have kept doing it forever, because I did it all the time with everyone. but eventually I got more and more comfortable around them. I started to "BEE MYSELF", so to speak, around them. and they seemed to genuinely like it. they liked the "real" me. but the "real" me could really only be properly expressed online. I could only speak my mind through text, which I did a few times. anf this is when my need to needlessly employ irony at all times due to my extensive patronage of imageboards reared its ugly head. I truly think this was a large part of my great undoing.
No.118
My mind was literally warped by the 'sharti into thinking that being needlessly ironic at all times was the height of comedy. now, this friend was no stranger to irony themselves. in fact, I think our relatively close senses of humor, at least on the surface, was a large part of how we could be friends to begin with. but when I get behind a keyboard, a whole different beast emerges. unfettered by the judging eye, I began going into shitposting overdrive, really going over the top with it all. and they seemed to be going along with it. to be enjoying it. to be reciprocating it. but maybe it was all in my head. I think they were just being polite, looking back. or maybe they were afraid. afraid of what I had become. either way, I didn't stop, because I had no idea anything was wrong.
No.119
Especially since in real life, their behavior towards me didn't change. I saw this as a green light to continue as I was. I had no clue it was hurting them. Scaring them… Of course, it's too late now. Ive thought a lot about what I've done. Reminisced and looked through my memories. I've looked back at the chats. Were there signs? At least through the messages, no. Not really. Why didn't they tell me? Even now, they haven't given an official reason. it just… ended. it was over. one day, best of chums. the next, strangers. a really dehabilitating experience for me, especially as someone who has never had many friends, and especially as close of a friendship as this one was.
No.120
I tried to apologize, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. I guess there's no incentive for them to be friends with me. Before, they chose to hang out with me because it was fun for them. For both of us. Our friendship was a mutual benefit, albeit heavily favoring me. But now they want nothing to do with me. And so they can turn to their preexisting and extensive social network. of which I used to be a part of as well, thanks to their sponsorship. but, now I have nothing… foe their sake, I guess the best option is just… LE MOVE ON… o algo. but at least I still have a few good friends that don't really care. or know, I guess. idk. I just really wish I had a time machine or something. like, dam. that was so awesome. and what happened was so preventable. do yeah. that's muh heckin story. blogpost over at least until I think of something else to say about it
No.126
what the hell? no one has anything to say? dead shit site
No.127
im sorry for your loss